I went back to https://badbootjebotoxbopresentsbsa3yall.blogspot.com/2020/02/research-iii-chapter-i-part-iii-short.html this blog post, which I did at the beginning of the project, where I highlighted what I wanted to achieve and broke down the story pretty deftly.
So what did I lose sight of in my treatment?
1) The way it reads in this blog with her discovering the paintings is much better, it says that they were self-painted and I think I should change it for the second draft to be more like this, keep it more ambiguous as to the nature of these paintings and suggest that maybe it's just her sister's artistic nature showing. Make Olive's reaction more of a knowing eyebrow raise.
2) The sister should be more opposed to her watching the tapes, making things more mysterious as to why not and as an audience, we'd feel more inclined to keep watching in order to find out what's on them. Maybe have her go through a couple of tapes, she starts investigating a bit and we feel on board because she's an active protagonist. The tapes can also just be of neighborhood kids going home or to school and shit like the witch was stalking and filming them. Maybe she can pause on one frame and see the witch's reflection in the window that she's filming out of. This builds more mystery and can also seem like a weird art thing.
3) The original ending had me do a bit of a fun twist ending with the sister having her own terrible secret, like being a cannibal (although that is too close to the witch now), I am also not sure if this is a good ending, even if it could be fun because I think it defeats whatever message I originally had.
I also need to clarify what the central theme here is. If the main character starts off believing that her mother is overreacting and then when she enters the other world her perception changes to the polar opposite, what does she learn at the end? I could apply the hero's journey or the quadrant system here to make things a bit clearer.
1) Hero's journey
Normal life: she lives with her mother and thinks that she is unnecessarily mean to the eldest child.
Want Something: She wants her mother to accept the sister as she is, and has a curiosity about the world that her sister has seen.
Unfamiliar Situation: She goes to visit her sister but the apartment is off.
Adapt: She adapts when she finds a way to settle down in the messy apartment and make it comfortable to her even if she isn't used to that level of filth at home (showing how she is accepting her sister's more unconventional way of living - adapting to student life)
Get what they want: She learns about the world outside of her religious upbringing.
But pay a heavy price: But she realizes the apartment is "haunted" and that there is a child kept there for eating purposes.
Return: After overcoming this she returns to her sister's apartment, which is far more normal
Having Changed: But is now completely opposed to learning about the outside world.
The final beat can be her sister offering her something and her retracting in fear because of her experience with the witch, showing how she has become as scared of the world as her mum is. The central theme of the movie becomes a classic horror metaphor, where the mother's fears are literally translated. It's more of a cautionary tale.
If I go this route then I have to show a bit more than she is into the outside world stuff, maybe communicating more with her sister when inside the apartment, which would be good to keep that more entertaining as well instead of her just slowly discovering the place's dark secret.
2) Quadrant System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyXNacI4b6M&list=PLh9sgDrUcPgWn1Fe5bFfhIImZ-qW6ayjT&index=3
In this analysis of Rick and Morty's writing structure the guy points out that for the b-story the writers use a quadrant system, with opposite themes being placed on each key dial.
I have retrofitted it a bit with the themes I am thinking of using now:
Connected 4 -------------------------- - ---------------------------------- 2 Disconnected
The opposites I have: Want to see the world, don't want to see the world
Dangerous, not dangerous
So in the first quadrant, we see our protagonist in a dangerous situation but eager to learn about the world outside of her sheltered Christian upbringing.
The situation turns dangerous in the second quadrant, but she maintains her curiosity, it now starting to negatively impact her survival.
The third quadrant changes her mind on wanting to learn about the world outside, the horror is too much and she tries to escape.
The final quadrant sees her safe again, now with her sister, but afraid of what the outside world has to offer and be more inclined to act as her mother requested. Turning away from something sinful and maybe even snooping on her sister/showing the same suspiciousness about her unsavory activities.
The same story basically exists here, I kinda cornered myself with those themes and now they seem baked into the story.
Oh well, I think it's interesting in the way that it represents a societal fear in a metaphorical way, so it actually fits with my question pretty well.
So what did I lose sight of in my treatment?
1) The way it reads in this blog with her discovering the paintings is much better, it says that they were self-painted and I think I should change it for the second draft to be more like this, keep it more ambiguous as to the nature of these paintings and suggest that maybe it's just her sister's artistic nature showing. Make Olive's reaction more of a knowing eyebrow raise.
2) The sister should be more opposed to her watching the tapes, making things more mysterious as to why not and as an audience, we'd feel more inclined to keep watching in order to find out what's on them. Maybe have her go through a couple of tapes, she starts investigating a bit and we feel on board because she's an active protagonist. The tapes can also just be of neighborhood kids going home or to school and shit like the witch was stalking and filming them. Maybe she can pause on one frame and see the witch's reflection in the window that she's filming out of. This builds more mystery and can also seem like a weird art thing.
3) The original ending had me do a bit of a fun twist ending with the sister having her own terrible secret, like being a cannibal (although that is too close to the witch now), I am also not sure if this is a good ending, even if it could be fun because I think it defeats whatever message I originally had.
I also need to clarify what the central theme here is. If the main character starts off believing that her mother is overreacting and then when she enters the other world her perception changes to the polar opposite, what does she learn at the end? I could apply the hero's journey or the quadrant system here to make things a bit clearer.
1) Hero's journey
Normal life: she lives with her mother and thinks that she is unnecessarily mean to the eldest child.
Want Something: She wants her mother to accept the sister as she is, and has a curiosity about the world that her sister has seen.
Unfamiliar Situation: She goes to visit her sister but the apartment is off.
Adapt: She adapts when she finds a way to settle down in the messy apartment and make it comfortable to her even if she isn't used to that level of filth at home (showing how she is accepting her sister's more unconventional way of living - adapting to student life)
Get what they want: She learns about the world outside of her religious upbringing.
But pay a heavy price: But she realizes the apartment is "haunted" and that there is a child kept there for eating purposes.
Return: After overcoming this she returns to her sister's apartment, which is far more normal
Having Changed: But is now completely opposed to learning about the outside world.
The final beat can be her sister offering her something and her retracting in fear because of her experience with the witch, showing how she has become as scared of the world as her mum is. The central theme of the movie becomes a classic horror metaphor, where the mother's fears are literally translated. It's more of a cautionary tale.
If I go this route then I have to show a bit more than she is into the outside world stuff, maybe communicating more with her sister when inside the apartment, which would be good to keep that more entertaining as well instead of her just slowly discovering the place's dark secret.
2) Quadrant System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyXNacI4b6M&list=PLh9sgDrUcPgWn1Fe5bFfhIImZ-qW6ayjT&index=3
In this analysis of Rick and Morty's writing structure the guy points out that for the b-story the writers use a quadrant system, with opposite themes being placed on each key dial.
I have retrofitted it a bit with the themes I am thinking of using now:
Not Dangerous
1 Good Christmas
-
-
Don't want to see the world Want to see the World
-
-
3 Bad Christmas
Dangerous
The opposites I have: Want to see the world, don't want to see the world
Dangerous, not dangerous
So in the first quadrant, we see our protagonist in a dangerous situation but eager to learn about the world outside of her sheltered Christian upbringing.
The situation turns dangerous in the second quadrant, but she maintains her curiosity, it now starting to negatively impact her survival.
The third quadrant changes her mind on wanting to learn about the world outside, the horror is too much and she tries to escape.
The final quadrant sees her safe again, now with her sister, but afraid of what the outside world has to offer and be more inclined to act as her mother requested. Turning away from something sinful and maybe even snooping on her sister/showing the same suspiciousness about her unsavory activities.
The same story basically exists here, I kinda cornered myself with those themes and now they seem baked into the story.
Oh well, I think it's interesting in the way that it represents a societal fear in a metaphorical way, so it actually fits with my question pretty well.
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